Things to do (and not to do) on holidays

 

To do:

> Whatever your parents promise you, get hold of your fluffy fleece and favourite socks, and don't let go until you see with your own eyes that it's not raining and the temperature is about 40.

> Enjoy yourself

> Eat tons of ice cream, if you get unwell, deny you have eaten ice cream. Blame fruit and veg

> Eat your favourite meal for lunch, over and over and over. Holiday is not for trying new things

> Tease your friends and annoy your parents. You will be forgiven beau case it's the holidays

> Stay out until dark. Stay out late

> Swim in dark

> Sail a boat. If they tell you that you are too small to be a captain, sail it anyway

> Take millions of pictures. The least flattering ones can be sold back to your family and friends for a high price.

> Play on computer as much as you want. It's holidays and nobody can tell you not to

> Make your age flexible. If it suits you to sit around with adults, do so. If it's more of a advantage to you to be a child, be a child and muck about. You will be forgiven, it's holidays

> Do spend time with your big sister and her boyfriend, even if they may prefer to be alone. After all, it's holidays! (Do check whether your sister is still bigger than you. If not, then a new set of rules can apply. In my case this will happen very soon! Hi Sasa!)

> Only get your hair cut done if you feel confident you speak the local language, or you want to look like an idiot. There is no other option. I tried both!

> Use a suntan lotion (more fun option), alternatively hide in a room with a computer (safer option)

> Collect lots of coins during the holidays so you can beat all your friends at air hockey at the end of the holidays.

> Try all the adventures you want, if you are scared or you don't want to try something, say holiday is not for trying new adventures.

> Feed the big dog Max, and try to make him be your friend. It's good to have big friends

> Play with little dog Machenka, even if it annoys big dog Max. As long as he is behind the fence.

Things not to do:

> Don't feed the big dog Max if he doesn't look like he wants to be your friend

> Don't eat anything healthy. If you are offered brussels sprouts or spinach, pretend you have a tummy ache (An absolutely true story: ask my friend Andrew)

> Don't throw cats (ANTONIO!!! THAT CAT WAS ALMOST AS BIG AS YOU!!!)

> Don't wear swim trunks two sizes big. They may look cool while you are on the beach, but you look NOT COOL when trying to climb out of the sea after you jumped in (Don't despair, there are lots of nice people in the sea who will help you to look for them)

> Don't eat yogurt which has been in the sun for a few hours, unless you want to see what is inside you from both ends. I know. Disgusting. So don't do it.

> Don't try to be a hero and test some new food. Let your parents do it and look after them when they get food poisoning.

> Don't drink alcohol unless you are over 12, or nobody is looking.

> Don't get your highlights done if you are a lady, and you don't understand "bleach" in the local language, otherwise your hair will end up brighter than the sun (Hi Mum!)